Thoughts you've never known
by Forever sleeping
Summary: Pansy like you'ev never seen before. So you thought you knew me? from who's eyes? Harrys Dumbledores well how about you see me for me the parts no one see when I am not as compossed as I want to be. T rating so far
1. Chapter 1

**It is upon us**

_Summer before sixth year_

_Portsmouth south 24_

_Pranksion mansion_

Taking a pinch of her black dress robes in each hand Pansy knelt before Him her stomach rolled as she forced her self to think about nothing other than the way her robe felt soft between her fingers, the small almost silent crack of her knees as she bent the gravely rocks beneath her, the way they dug into her skin.

Focus on the pain

Pain makes you sharp

Breathe in out in out in

Digging her nails into her closed fist she imagined how the tiny half crescents would look later on.

If there was a later on

Forcing her eyes open she swallowed her fear almost pliable it lay dank and dirty in the hollow of her mouth

Out in out in out

Stand up the command came from above

She prayed her knees would hold her

'Do you understand your assignment'

It was not a question

Did she nod or speak maybe both she thought to be on the safe side

The safe side

Yes my lord she said with a nod

Her assignment

She was dismissed

Walking at a measured pace with her head high her features covered by the slope of her hood

In out in out in

One foot in front of the other she maid her way to the upmost room in their mansion

Unclasping her cloak she let it puddle around her feet

Almost September the wind had a bite to it added to the chill of the night air

Pansy emptied her stomach contents

Spilling her vomit on to her shoes, her dress, over the ledge

Until there was nothing left

Empty

Her assignment

Murder

'You are each to kill your chosen target the messier….the better'

Would the echo of his voice ever leave her

Grasping the ledge Pansy fought for balance

_Let go _

So easy to slip on her sick and tumble

Tumble, tumble, tumble

A fallen angle

She had a duty

Honor bound to her family

Expectations

The weight of it made her dizzy

Out in out in out

Deatheater

Her stomach flopped

Fair

Unfair

Duty

Honor

Murder

Moving back wards she steeped away from temptations

Eyes red

Stared into her mind

Canvassing her privet thoughts

A tumor shook she spine

Falling she curled into herself

To ward off the evil

Was she evil?

To take another's life

To save her own

Wrong or ….sensible

Don't think about it

How could she not?

_You'll grow to enjoy it_

Fatherly advice

In out in out in out

Who was she to refuse this honor her lord a bestowed willingly in to her eager hands

Who was she?

A Pranksion

A Slythierin

An almost Deatheater

A murderess

If she choose to accept

Was it a choice?

Was there ever any choice?

_Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose what is easy and what is right._

Pansy didn't want to remember

Between what is right and what is easy?

Neither choice was easy

If there was any choice at all

The cold from the stone floor seeped into her bones making her shake harder

Still she did not get up

Endurance

But how much before she broke

Shattered in to too many pieces to count, too sharp to pick up

Scattered

In out in out in out

**AN: okay so I am thinking maybe a one-shot but who knows? Maybe not so was it too much? Not enough? Should have never been posted? Or Continued?**

**Tell me what you think**


	2. Chapter 2

I am a Monster, But You Created Me.

They were watching her

Everyone was watching her

It felt like …

She needed to get a hold of her emotions

Breaking down like this wasn't _acceptable_

She could hear her older sisters voice in her head

God damn she growled under her breath

She'd rather gouge out her own eyes than think of that

Bitch

This was not going to effect her

And if she said it enough then maybe it would come true

Composed, elegant, calm and invisible

This is who she needed to be

Who she was?

She wasn't ready to tread those waters, the cold would cut her

She walked slower, hating the noise her platforms made

Echoing sounds brought attention, unneeded

The laughter caught her by surprise and made her stop

It sounded youthful and innocent

"no, no" the voice said

Weasly she thought and even in her thoughts she thought of him distastefully

"Imagine Malfoy with her"

"I'd rather not" - the boy who lived replied

"Ugh, how can he stand her. Forget her voice, she repulsive to look at"

"Ron" the tone was admonishing. Ah yes the Mudblood

"What, she a hag I'm tellin' you"

They all broke out in gaffing laughter

She pressed her self deeper into the nook in the wall

Waiting for their laughter to fade

She slipped into the first empty class room she'd found.

How hilarious

How fucking hilarious

Why she just wanted to die of laughter

Or just die

Might as well get to it

Her bag slipped to the floor

Her hands reaching into her hair

Her mouth made a soundless scream

She could pull it all out couldn't she

Every last strand

Every last strand

To be nothing, wouldn't that be ideal

Pinpricks of pain shot through her skull

More

More

More

She stumbled and knowing she was going to fall did nothing to stop it

The cement floor cut into her knees

The blood was soothing

Oh, but what a hideous scar it would leave

She watched her socks stain

Not to be worried, she was a stain

Oh, maybe they belonged together

She could see the story now

The hag and her sock, a stained story

Laughter bubbled up but the sound was hollow

Was this the first sign of insanity

Wouldn't that be interesting

She could ask aunt Bella for some advice on how to make madness acceptable

Standing up she wiped her knees with the hem of her skirt

Tucking her hair back into place, she grabbed her bag

Never sparing a thought towards her blood stained socks

No one would notice anyways

No one ever did

It was time to go back to bed

She must have left her composer back on the bathroom floor.

**A/N: If you're reading this let me know. Even just a "Hi" works. Opinions please. Rate & Review**


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